♦Of Spa Days and Smackowns

Milly, Natalie and I slipped into plush spa robes as we entered the massage room, our bare feet padding against the soft carpet.

Natalie turned to face me, resting her cheek on a folded-up towel as a masseuse massaged her shoulders.

“They’ve been going quite well, actually,” she explained.  ”I have a Coach shoot coming up that’s going to be divine!”  I smiled.

“Well, here’s to a fun time on your part!” I exclaimed, half-raising my glass of cucumber water.  There were footsteps heard in the back of the room and suddenly, Milly shot off of her massage table, ignoring the exclaims of the masseuse.  Natalie and I followed our alpha, struggling into our robes once again.

“Milly, what’s going-” I started to ask, but stopped when I saw Milly nose-to-nose with another girl, this one a tall blonde with an obvious makeup addiction.  My eyes darted back and forth between the two girls and I turned to Natalie for information.

“That’s Lou Lukeson,” Natalie whispered to me.  ”She thinks she can be BFF’s with Milly and does NAWT take no for an answer.” I nodded, processing the information.  Natalie and I crossed the room, standing on either side of Milly, ready to help her battle Lou.

“Aww, look, Milly’s got a new friend!” Lou exclaimed, her fake sugar-sweetness making me want to gag.  Offering a nail-bitten hand to me, she said, “I don’t believe we’ve met!  I’m Lou Lukeson, soon-to-be member of this clique.  And you are?”  Milly and Natalie looked shocked by the nerve of Lou, and frankly, I don’t blame them.  In a split second, I gathered myself and employed my sharp wit, planning to make Lou pay for her entitlement complex.

Ignoring her outstretched hand, I stepped up to the proverbial plate, looking over my shoulder in mock-confusion at Milly before I spoke.

“Milly!” I said in fake shock (thank goodness for acting classes!).  ”I didn’t know you were taking makeup-addicted nail-biters into the clique!  How… charitable of you.” I stated, lacing the word “charitable” with enough sarcasm that anyone would have gotten the hint.  ”Though frankly, Lou, I’m surprised that you can even see anything over all that makeup?  What did you do, apply it with Sharpies?”  Natalie and Milly laughed and I stepped back, my job finished for now.

“You’re totally right, Mandi,” Milly said, stepping a half-step forward, blue eyes blazing.  ”I’m nawt accepting anyone into my clique” -here, her voice got as hard and pointed as her stiletto nails- “or this private spa date!”

Lou put her hand to her heart in mock-surprise.  ”I am so sorry, Milly!”  Her eyes bored into Milly’s, suggesting otherwise, but once again, Les Belles Fillies stepped up.

“Honey,” Natalie said, her voice becoming sticky-sweet as she laid a hand on Lou’s shoulder.  ”Maybe you should head on home and lick your wounds.”  Lou slid her bony shoulder away from Natalie’s hand.

“Natalie, you forgot one thing,” Milly suggested, an evil smile on her face.  Crossing to the table at the front of the spa, she picked up the half-full cucumber water pitcher and dumped it all over Lou’s fake-leather riding boots.  Lou gasped.

“There!” Milly said, dusting off her hands.  ”That’s that.  Now come on, girlies, I hear some Essie polish calling our names.”  The three of us exited the foyer of the spa, exchanging giggles and high-fives.  None of us noticed Lou rifling through my purse behind the front desk, or typing a message into my iPhone.

You’d better watch out, Lou.  This war just got a little more personal.

To be continued…

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